i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
false alarm, still single
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