Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
