No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
