Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
