Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
