Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
