I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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