which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
