U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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