Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just want nice things and good sex
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
