Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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