So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
