Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
