just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
