I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
