Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
