Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
