if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
