Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
