fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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