Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
