everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
