I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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