Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
