my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Last time i carry you out of a forest
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
