If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
