Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
