Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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