idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
