her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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