Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
