I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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