that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
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you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
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I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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