Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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