HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
jump out the window naked night went bad
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