i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
