It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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