Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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