you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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