Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
