It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Be still, my beating vagina.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
