i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
