worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
