Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
