i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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