My nipple is on Facebook.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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