i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
