Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
