were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
