Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
