i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
