no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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