4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize