I heard we made out
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
