I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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