my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
