i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
