A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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