you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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