The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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