i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
