i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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